Friday, July 20, 2012

Speak UP: Where Is The Tolerance?


I use Facebook. I am sometimes embarrassed to admit it, because I know I could make better use of my time, but I enjoy keeping up with old friends in distant places and peeking into the lives of all my friends and family near and far. I often chuckle at quotes or cartoons that others post. I rarely pass those along, but I enjoy the laugh. But one that is going around today makes me sad. I am not going to post it, because I would rather not perpetuate it. But the gist of it is that a well know national fast food chain supports several "anti-gay" organizations. I use quotation marks there because those are their words not mine. I personally do not think that most people are anti things, they are usually pro something else and the other side uses that term to make them appear as haters. No one wants to be known as anti this or that. Notice how both sides of the abortion issue use "pro" to describe themselves. As soon as we label people as anti something, it is easy to make them seem like unreasonable, narrow-minded and discriminatory. Unfortunately this is often done in the name of tolerance. What I would like to know is, where is the tolerance for my point of view?

I guess that is why that cartoon made me so sad. It is pitting people against one another. If you asked most of my friends if I am a hateful person, I would hope most of them would say no. I, however, support marriage as a religious institution that should be reserved for heterosexual couples. I also support the rights of states like California to decide for themselves, through popular vote and legislation to define marriage as the majority of the citizens or legislators see fit at this time. I do not think that those beliefs make me a hater. I also believe that each citizen in this country has the right and the freedom to support the causes that they feel important with not only their vote or their voice, but also their wallet. If groups in support of gay marriage would like to boycott this fast food chain and speak out against their policies, then that is their right, but don't call me a hater for doing the same thing. I looked up some of the organizations that the company in question has donated to. There were quite a few, but as a sampling it included the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, National Christian Foundation and the Focus on the Family Foundation. I do not see "anti" anything in those names. It just makes me so sad.

Many of my friends and family stand on the opposite side of this issue from me. We believe different things. Why does that make me a hater? Several of my dear friends have posted the cartoon. I tried at first to just stay out of the conversation, but finally had to put my two cents in. In my head the tone of this comment was not at all rude or confrontational, so I hope it does not come off that way. I hope also that this post comes off the way I intend. I am not angry, just confused and hurt. This was my comment on Facebook. Let me know what you think. Please be kind if you have an opinion. We can disagree without name calling. We are grown ups and Americans...it is supposed to be what we do best, but I think we may be losing that.
"I have seen this one quite a bit today and I don't even know how to approach this subject in a tactful, non-confrontational way. I do not like being labeled homophobic, prejudiced or as an intolerant hate monger for having a religious objection to certain behaviors, but I am not afraid of people who are gay, nor do I hate them. I object to adultery too, does that make me a hater as well? Why am I not allowed to have a religious belief? Why does having and opinion make me a hater? I do not understand how someone taking their personal earnings and putting them toward whatever causes they believe in is hatred? What happened to freedom in this country? I am not asking anyone to believe as I do, but I am asking for the freedom to believe it, and for the freedom to support that belief in a peaceful manner. The only hatred and name calling I see is coming from the other side of this. Perhaps this is not the place for my big mouth to be opened, but I honestly do not understand. I support the right of the people of California to make the decision on this, and they have. Twice. People supporting prop 8 is not hateful. They are speaking their mind with voice and with money. Anyone in support of gay marriage has the right to do so as well. And anyone offended by the way that this business uses their profits can and should boycott. That is using their voice and their money to support what they believe in. But please stop calling me a hater for what I believe..."
Quote of the Day: "I believe with all my heart that civilization has produced nothing finer than a man or woman who thinks and practices true tolerance."
 --Frank Knox writer and U.S. Secretary of the Navy

13 comments:

  1. I think your comment is great. I, too, get a little tired of all the negativity. When it starts out negative it pretty much closes the door on any communication or understanding. Good job!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I thought I was being good about it, but no. I got many hurtful responses. Even from friends. Oh well. I really was not trying to be rude or hurtful and I was honestly just asking for a heartfelt response to my question, but I guess people are too angry. They assume that if we support "traditional" marriage that we do not have loved ones who are gay, which is just not the case.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Very much on the mark Leli! My beliefs and values are very close to yours in many places and somewhat different from yours in a few places. The places where we diverge does not make you a hater. Instead of finding ways to make the chasm bigger, shouldn't we look for solutions that are acceptable to all?

    For example, on marriage. I would remove government from the institution of marriage completely. I'd allow only civil unions to be recognized by the government and given any sort of legal status or privilege. And I would require that civil unions could only be performed by people given the authority to perform such unions by a government body, but could not be done under the auspices of any religious organization.

    Then I would say that religious organizations could marry anyone they chose to marry, or refuse to perform a marriage ceremony for any reason, and that would be fine. However, a marriage could never be a civil union and a civil union could never be a marriage.

    Get govt out of the business of defining religious behaviors and get religion out of the business of defining govt behaviors.

    And I bet this bridges the divide if people open their hearts to finding a way to do so. Instead of trying to find ways to force the "other side" to do what I want, I'd rather find a way to create a solution that works for you and I.

    It seems to me that tolerance includes accepting the other as a good, reasonable human being AND trying to find solutions that allow for common ground and working together and meeting in the middle.

    P.S. I like this post so much, I'm sharing it on my FB too.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thanks for your comment Leslie. I really like what you said about being pro-something doesn't mean you hate the other opinion. I am pro traditional marriage, but I love many gay people. And I don't want to change them or tell them what to do.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Shell...I appreciate that comment. I do not need to agree with all of your thoughts and actions to love you.

      Delete
  5. I actually fully support that same idea of marriage and civil union Eric...so we do agree even more than perhaps you thought!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. that's even better. I still think that the two sides of this debate could use that to find common ground instead of trying to ram their way down the other's throat. AND I think that is crucial to being tolerant. To find that alternative choice.

      Delete
  6. Not a hater. Just pro-your-opinion! When I marched on Washington in a Pro-Life rally, the media referred to us as 'Anti-Abortion Activists." Huh? I am Pro-Life, from womb to tomb, but recognize that there are legitimate reasons for abortion. Gender selection? No. Government decree to limit births? No. Convenience? No. But I don't like the labels given to me by the media and others.

    I am pro-traditional marriage. Do I hate my cousin and nephew that are gay? No.

    I think part of the problem is that we sit so silently, and don't often share our views. The majority is soooooo silent, and the minority so loud. Wish things could change!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Compassion should always be the bottom line, no matter a person's point of view -- religious or not. Humanity still has a lot of growing up to do when it comes to walking a mile in each other's moccasins... as you've noticed, my friend. I like how you're bringing the topic into the open -- honest dialogue is the only way.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I've been fighting this for so long, and I'm so tired. The sad truth is, those who preach tolerance are themselves very often the least tolerant people I know. There's a reason the silent majority remains silent, and you've discovered it: because when you speak up, the hateful minority will say and do things that you (the supposed "hater" and "bigot") would never consider saying and doing. Because of that, I often keep my mouth shut now. Every time I open it, I regret it. I'm sorry it happens to you, too. =(

    ReplyDelete
  9. I applaud your bravery for posting that. And I think you said it well. Unfortunately, it is my experience that the other side of this will pounce on it and resort to name calling in many cases. And it makes it difficult to speak up.

    I don't speak up anymore. And I do have loved ones that are gay...family members, even. I love them, I want them to be happy, I want them to have a civil union and rights, but traditional marriage is something that should be defined by religion.

    Hard stuff, but good for you!

    (visiting from MMB)

    ReplyDelete
  10. I think that you verbalized well what I always try to and seem to fail at doing. I might share your Facebook post with others, if I have permission to do this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Of course you may share! Thanks for the support...

      Delete