To Whom It May Concern:
Ok, so I posted a tiny piece of a bit of fiction I have been working on. And by "working on" I mean periodically thinking about but mostly just ignoring because I am kinda lazy and know I will never finish it anyway, so why work so hard? Also I am kind of a little tiny bit totally petrified to have anyone read my writing in the first place, but I am trying to be brave AND would like some Feedback. Criticism. Overtly exaggerated praise. You know...thoughts. It is under the tab marked fiction.
Also, I am completely computer illiterate and do not really know how to work those tab thingies so if anyone has a suggestion of how to help me keep the fiction separate from the non fiction in a simple way... I would appreciate the help. Perhaps I am beyond help...in that case, just ignore me and hop away...
Thanks for listening.
Sincerely,
NatureGirl
I think it's awesome. I can picture the setting clear as day in my mind. I'd love to read the rest if you ever care to post/share more. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI like it. You paint a very clear, easy-to-read picture and that is what I like to read. I think you should keep going...i want more!
ReplyDeleteThis is a great little piece. I had a "trophy" friend -- the only Asian girl in our school. How things have changed, thank God! My kids don't see skin colour at all.
ReplyDeleteSorry, I can't help with the tabs as I don't even know how to do that!!! Maybe you could help me!
It's a nice piece. I like that you characterize children of that age well - the nothings to do while you talk, the aimless walking, the curiosity about the nudist neighbor.
ReplyDeleteA few things I thought of:
1) I'm not sure that a 4 ft high fence would cover much... lol
2) Once I got to the end of the story and realized where you were taking it, I felt it had taken a while to get there. This isn't a problem if it's part of a larger piece (which I think it is or should be). You introduced Katrina without really going there and the racial tension very shortly. Should we expect more installments? I hope so!
Good start. Can't wait to read more.
Keep writing! I love your site. I am now your newest follower.
ReplyDeleteUntil you can figure out 'tabs' you can just use 'labels' so they will correspond with the write category. Does that make sense?
ReplyDeleteHey Les,
ReplyDeleteLOVE the story! It's in great shape for a beginning. Not sure if I read all you've written so far (thru #3?). Just want to offer my help as an editor. I'm a crackerjack :). Tightening up thoughts, cleaning up grammer or vocab, developing a character trait, stuff like that. (I think it would be tough as a writer to accept another's changes to your work, so I understand if this process sounds less than appealing.) Let me know if/how you'd like me to work on it. We miss you in Spinning, but the real road is much nicer these days! See you at the gym :)
Haha...thanks Chris...no that is the whole reason I put little bits out...to get feedback. Change away!
ReplyDeleteYes the "real road" is treating me very kindly thank you! I do miss the gang though!
hey just started reading your fiction. Really good, I just read the first part but I like the description of the swing! this is an interesting piece because I have 2 black children so I am curious how you handle these characters. You have a knack for this writing gig thing! ;) the only part that kind of didn't flow is this part...
ReplyDeleteFor whatever reason, children of this age often seem more comfortable talking to one another while engaged in some sort of activity--no matter how trivial. The girls, at eleven, were too old to play much together now, so kicking rocks and picking leaves served this purpose. Perhaps this need is never out grown. It may be why adults buffer many conversations with cups of coffee stirred needlessly and tea bags dipped to excess. These are the safety nets that protect even good friends from the uncomfortable lulls in most conversations. The girls did not really need the safeguard now however. you seem to go from one perspective to another, maybe reword because I see the relevance... and mention more of the haunted house leading into the main topic of the house, the nudist house was not as important to the plot but I like the description alot, i would leave it. I can't wait to read more!! you should be proud of your work it is very good.
Kim...Thank you SO much for the very specific comments! And the compliments. I really appreciate it. I am trying to get braver with this whole writing thing, but it feels a bit like standing naked in Times Square. And with 4 children and 41 years under my "belt" you can just imagine how willing I am to do THAT!
ReplyDeleteDo you blog?