Have you ever had the feeling that the universe is trying to tell you something? Yeah. Me too. Usually I just ignore it. Ok, this is complicated so I will get to the point. Several things have happened over the last few months that have given me the determination to change my status quo and break out of my box. Ok, perhaps determination is too strong a word. What is the word for "I'm still chicken but I think perhaps it is about time I do change because I am turning 40 next week and so what better time to finally break out of my shell and do something really different, really hard and really unexpected even if I don't really want to?" Where the heck is my thesaurus...?
So, if you can, follow my train of thought through the last few months...
First, an old college roommate announced that she was training for her first triathlon. Something I have always thought I might like to do, but too afraid. Then a friend suggested that I consider doing a local century bike ride this summer. Yeah, right! But then I read a blog post entitled "what are you waiting for?" So I asked NatureGirl, "NatureGirl, what are you waiting for?" She had a whole list that I will not bore you with now, and then had the gall to remind me of my own recent post in which I was dumb enough to say that I was finally ready to take a step outside of my box.
So, long story short, in order to help force myself out of that box I decided to do something daring in honor of my 40th birthday (in 2010). Specifically, a century bike ride. I chose to do the 100km. Sixty five bum bustin', leg burnin', sweat breakin' miles. And...I DID IT. And except for the 20 mph winds for the last 30 miles it wasn't all that hard. This year (2011) Hunky Hubby says we are doing the 100 mile route. I say "Bring it on!" which, if you know me, is not something I say very often. You see...I am the queen of big buts.
I would try the ride... BUT.
I wish I could do this...BUT.
I would love to try that...BUT.
I could be all that and a bag of chips...BUT.
I dream of_______...BUT.
That is a lot of big buts. I was kinda tired of walking around dragging all those big buts behind me. Now, this is not to say that I do not love my life. I totally do. I have amazing kids and a Hunky Hubby that I cannot get enough of, and we live a great life full of love and books and movies and art and nature and fun, but I have always played it safe. Shortly before that ride I read something that I had written in a journal a year or so before. "Will I ever do something truly daring?" This ride for me was daring. It required believing that I could do something that I did not know whether or not I could do. I never, let me repeat, never do anything that I do not absolutely know I can do. Especially in public.
So many of my posts over the last 2+ years have been about my desire to get out and live, oh I don't know, to live...more, I guess. Live more, love more, pray more, try more, be more. Not worry so much about getting hurt, or looking stupid, or shhhhh....failing. In the end, I am proud of myself for doing this hard thing. Not so much that I accomplished it even, but that I even tried! That is a big step for this ScaredyCat! I am quickly realizing though, that life is too short to waste...
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